Monday, September 12, 2005

Shocking Report from Mechanic School

Well, what would you expect from the hedonistic cesspool that is Daytonia? Is nothing sacred?

Just barely five weeks into the school year at L'Ecole De Mechaniques du motocycle De Amerique, all semblance of decency has broken down and standards have been tossed out the window, into the pool in the courtyard.

Apparently, at lunchtime, a rogue group of students sneaks off by themselves and...plays scrabble. Scrabble, I tell you! Right in front of everyone! Obviously, if there was ever a concept of in loco parentis, it's long been cast to the wind.

Then, this twisted little cabal apparently leaves the premises, departs the verdant, green quad of the campus, and in some perverse town-gown thing, wantonly commandeers a local establishment and in broad daylight, ice-cream eating contest. Oh, the humanity.

Won't somebody please step in and take control of this bunch of hoodlums? I hear rumors that, as more and more formerly wholesome institutions are infiltrated by gangs of one ilk or another, they are plotting to form their own...Cricket club.

Right here. In AMERICA. If we don't stop them in Daytonia, pretty soon they'll be playing cricket on the Mall in Washington, D.C.!

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